After 15 years
The last week or so I’ve been looking for my biological father on facebook. And this morning i finally found him. I sent a friend request and he immediately knew who I was. He messaged me thinking i was going to be buddies with him so I played along, gave him my number, and told him to call me. When he did I flipped the fuck out on him. Asking how he lives with himself after all the things he did to my mother and I. That he will never be considered anything more than a waste of life in my eyes. I told him that if i ever find him i will kill him on the spot. I finally spoke the words ive been holding in since I was 4 years old. Then i hung up and blocked the number. I thought i would feel better afterwards. Ive been wanting to do that for so long. But i dont feel anything. No happiness, sadness, or anger. Just emptiness. Its a pity people like that can live happy in this world where people like me have to rant to tumblr because i have nobody to turn to. Everything in my life is turning into an empty shell with nobody in it but myself. No light at the end of the tunnel will be showing up this time. In all honesty ive been waiting for someone to come break me out this empty shell im in. But lately im a little short on friends.
For the first time in 2 years, 1 month, and 23 days, I attempted suicide today. Unfortunately I failed. Maybe next time James. You can do it! :D
Chalk it up as a loss I guess.